Vacation week continues at the Sank household. We got back from the lake yesterday because Mrs S had scheduled appointments for the little “S’s” during the week.
“Don’t just stay home.. you should go to office instead of sitting around”
I did suggest that if I saved enough time off she’d get a nice check when I had my heart attack and collapsed dead in the office. Her response.. “um how much?” and “do you have to die in office or can you pass away here at home?”
She can be pretty dang creepy if she wants to be.
I made the mistake this week of going into the troubled middle child’s basement pad yesterday, for the first time this summer.. If was crabby before I descended into downright angry when I got down there. An anger that only a severe and focused ass whooping would relieve. This is a dude who has travels the world in “ignore” mode. As in, ignore everything you just said.. what did you say? Pain in the ass if you ask me.
I’m wondering if a stay at home vacation, America’s new vacation option BTW, is a preview of retirement. Today, for example job one.. bathe the dog. The dog likes to swim at the lake, he also has a taste for sushi, especially of the fish has been sitting on shore for a week or two. He enjoys lake sushi so much he will, given the opportunity, roll around in a dead fish to carry the essence of his favorite treat with him all the day long. To say the dog stunk is an understatement. The dog flat out reeked. Reeked so bad that every person he came over to sit next too.. would yell and probably throw something at him it was so bad. Nasty nasty nasty. last night I could smell him in his kennel in downstairs, in my upstairs bedroom.
Mrs S: “either bathe him or put him to sleep.. that’s the choice”.
I chose bath.. he would have preferred euthanasia, and when we were done I was close granting that wish as well. This stupid dog.. knows.. he knows when I’m going to give him a bath just like he knows when cars destination is NOT the lake but the vet. I don’t know how I give it away.. but when I approach him.. he drops, and like a frog releases a puddle of piss in an escape response. Pick him up and whines and growls. Approach the bathroom where 2 minutes prior he was helping himself to a toilet-bowl cocktail and releases the number two tank.. more piss. Now I’m soaked in warm water and we haven’t even turn on the damn faucet. Throwing his ass in the tub he barks and whines and squirms.. clawing at me for dear life.. I have to hold him down with one hand while I run the water with the other. If you let go for a nanosecond.. he jumps out to of the tub, into the bathroom and gets behind the stool where.. when you grab him, repeat the escape deal, I wasn’t aware Corgi’s had that much reserve piss on themselves all the time.
Do this about three times and you’re sure to be pissed off at the end. There I was, soaked, half with water, half with dog pee, scratched up on both arms and covered with wet matted hair. He finally settled down.. but the middle kid came in at that time and suggested that I let him up for air as he was indeed drowning. I’m a big hearted guy.. the dog survived and now smells like apricots, dog shampoo, Colgate shaving cream with an under tone of dead fish.. Why do I keep this animal…
SAD Day
Put the cousin on a plane for the last time today. After almost 3 years in America he’s throwing in the towel and returning to Israel. The job here sucked for him.. I don’t doubt that for a moment, his wife never really liked it here and finally.. enough and back he went. Sad sad day for a couple reasons. First of all, this was the last known member of my family who actually talks to me.. thank to 10 years of bad mouthing around reunions, bar mitzvahs and wedding by my Mother, most family members think of me as a weird nasty family hating ner-do-well who lives on the frozen tundra with a bitch-ass wife who controls his life and supports him while I pursue a career as a cashier somewhere. Oh and with rotten kids who hate their grandparents and are bound for prison one day.
That’s a not to exaggerated version of the story I got a couple years when my cousin attended a family reunion I wasn’t invited too.
I had to thank him for setting the record straight.. yeah I’m not a big fan of Mom’s, but my wife is only bitchy sometimes and I think two of kids have a real shot at not going to jail. After 20 years of running carts in the front door I’m hoping for cashier but it’s still a dream at this point, and how we live off a woman who hasn’t worked in 14 years I’m not sure.. but someone bought it.
Well too dang bad he’s gone, he was a good guy to know and great friend for the kids. I’m quite sad about this whole deal. Mrs S was pretty sad about it to.. he helped her realize that while her in-laws are insane.. there are a few members of my side of the family that are normal. They’re just sort of hard to find.
2 Comments
July 14, 2008 at 11:09 pm
I’m envious…I wish my family would stop inviting me to reunions. They have a way of taking the f-u-n out of dysfunctional.
July 22, 2008 at 6:15 am
Wow. You’ve had a heck of a week–even without the computer tribulations!! Hope things get better. And keep that euthanasia on the table as a back-up…